My First Trip to Recovery - AA
I started drinking alcohol and became an alcoholic in the same week - not a typical pattern, but it was my truth. When I started drinking, I used alcohol to ease the pain and fear I was experiencing based on my husband’s illness - I was unable to cope and alcohol was my coping mechanism. The funny thing about compulsive behaviors - whether drinking, overeating, or any other compulsive behavior - is that you start using them to avoid some really severe pain, but before long you begin using them to avoid all hurtful emotions.
I read once that if you started drinking at a certain age, that you pretty much stop maturing at that age. I started drinking because of a really severe problem. But gradually I started using alcohol to cope with lesser problems. When you use alcohol to cope with smaller problems, you are losing your ability to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Your ability to cope with problems of the smallest nature eventually fades.
By the time I went into recovery for alcoholism, I was unable to cope with a traffic jam, with a line in a restaurant, with pretty much anything even remotely unpleasant. The process of recovery for me was so very difficult since I had to learn to cope with every emotional occurrence as if I were a child just learning how to live in this world.
I entered AA somewhere around 1979. The first time “didn’t take.” I didn’t really make friends. I didn’t accept it all. I treated it as a Chinese menu - and I took what I wanted from Column A and what I wanted from Column B. For anyone that has traveled this path, you know that the approach of cherry-picking the pieces you want to follow and the pieces you don’t want to follow is not a successful approach. Needless to say, this trip “thru” Alcoholics Anonymous was not successful.
In 1986 I reentered the doors of AA, but I entered with an approach of doing “whatever it took” to make it work. I never worked harder at something in my life.
I went to a bazillion AA meetings, went through years of therapy, and changed almost everything that could be changed about myself. I dealt well with all of my childhood issues and I dealt honestly with my life. I have been sober since that time.
from - Alcoholism for Dummies
